An Emotional Couple of Weeks

I know it’s been 2 weeks since I last posted. I’ve tried, several times; to write a post but honestly it’s been an emotional 2 weeks and I just couldn’t seem to get the words out.

They say beauty comes from within, but that’s hard to remember when you watch your physical appearance change right before your eyes. Since I started chemo, I’ve gained about 10 pounds. I know that’s not the end of the world but for someone who has always struggled with her weight, that’s a lot! I’ve never had a problem eating and my treatment hasn’t changed that. We have been spoiled with amazing dinners from family and friends!!! Please don’t think that I’m not thankful for the fact I’ve only had minimal side effects when it comes to appetite. I know how blessed I am that, other than a little nausea, I haven’t had a problem, most people aren’t that lucky. This just means I have to pay better attention to what and how much I’m putting in my mouth.

Right at the end of June my hair started to fall out. It started slowly but every morning I had just a little more hair in the drain, on my towel, and in my comb. I could feel pieces on the back of my arms during the day and started to notice strands on the couch and my pillow. For me, this has been the hardest part of treatment so far! After about 5 days, I couldn’t handle the emotional roller coaster that became my morning routine so my awesome hairstylist shaved my head!!! It was a rough experience; it’s a constant visual reminder that I have cancer and an outward sign to others that I’m sick. I sometimes forget that I’m bald until I catch my reflection in glass and I’m not used to the reflection I see in the mirror but I’m handling not having hair better than I handled watching it fall out. I have a really cute wig that I wear when I’m not in the house; the cut and color look a lot like my natural hair.  I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with my hair but right now I’d love to have it back.

This past weekend we celebrated little man’s 3^rd birthday. We had an absolute blast with family and friends but it was a little bittersweet for me. Before starting treatment, Jonathan and I made the decision not to harvest my eggs. There were several things that played into our decision and I’m not going to get into those. There is a possibility that I may still be able to have children once chemo is finished but we aren’t holding out. We are both 100% okay with the decision and have no regrets, but as a mommy, it’s still a little sad watching my little boy grow up knowing that I won’t have another one.

My second treatment went as well as the first, Fourth of July I spent most of the day in bed but I did make out to see fireworks. I’m so glad we were able to go, Aiden loved them! I was having some pain and swelling in my arm that I didn’t have with the first treatment and when it didn’t go away I called the doctor. Turns out, I have a blood clot; it happens in less than 5% of patients. I need to give myself injections of a blood thinner twice a day for the next week and then the doctor will reassess.

While it’s been a rough couple of weeks, I’m thankful for all my family and friends that have helped me get through it. My next round of treatment is scheduled for July 20^th and I promise I’m going to try and be better about blogging. I have several new pins that I have tried and need to post!